10-10-10

It's 10-10-10.
A lot of people are getting married today.
I wanted to as well. What an easy date to remember.
And special.
But it fell on a Sunday....
and we both knew we wanted a Sat wedding.

But the number still means something. just like everything else.

why is life so fragile? not just our body parts, our blood, our membranes, our skeleton...
but our mind and our feelings and our emotions.
I wish i was stronger.
I wish I could get through situations better.
I wish I didn't have this anxiety constantly built inside of me.
I wish I wasnt so damn cautious all the time or fearing the worst.
I thought after finding John that I would never have to go through emotional wreckage anymore. That the worst was behind in the past. But, I was wrong. I know I find ways to torture myself. i build walls. i cry all the time.
i have built my wall. i have baggage.

but one day the wall will come crashing down.