Other people's problems.

sometimes i feel insensitive to other people's problems.
mainly people that are strangers.
it's hard for me to make it personal.

sometimes i can though.
like last night i watched a documentary called the Most Valuable Players and it was about these competing musical groups in PA. The main guy that organizes it is diagnosed with cancer and at the end it says it is dedicated to him... he died shortly after the film was finished. I bawled my eyes out. Because I grew to love him in the film. I felt connected to him. and i was inspired by his passion for what he did. in fact, i was a little green.
with jealousy.
because i know my passion is nowhere near what his is.
Then again, he was on camera. and i am sure they showed the best of his world. but, you could tell he LOVED what he did and it meant the world to him.

I don't always love what i do.
because i have to deal with things that aren't part of my passion.
writing receipts is not my passion.
listening to families come up and tell me their struggles because so and so lost their job and they have 10 kids and are all on welfare... isn't my passion.
doing paperwork is not my passion.
handling money is not my passion.
planning fundraisers is not my passion.
battling for calendar dates is not my passion.
begging for money is not my passion.
repairing broken instruments is not my passion.

my passion is to teach.

and that other stuff tends to get in the way... and snuffs out that fire. the burning fire i have to teach. Sometimes i feel like the flame i carry for teaching is very strong... and other times I feel it dimming... and in any moment you will see the smoke rise from it being blown out.
Ugh.


so, sitting down listening to a stranger confess their problems to me... not my cup of tea.

wow. then i guess I should throw counseling and psychology out the window???