a little browse

i am so thankful October is over.
who knew how stressful this month would have been.
at work, at home, etc.

and of course it's been draining emotionally.
i am actually surprised how well i have handled the month. What would have been my wedding month. yesterday would have actually been my first wedding anniversary with john.
it's amazing how different that day turned out.
with ryan.
going and visiting family and friends, shopping, having a picnic... and dare i say it... to this judging blogger world...

we looked at rings.

we looked at them.
it was an interesting experience actually.
i had not been through this event for a couple years now.
it all was so familiar.. but the first time i did it I actually went alone so it was interesting having Ryan there with me. John never actually went into a store with me. We did all of our browsing online because his family had a jeweler that could get a hold of anything we wanted really.
It was awkward when the woman was like "oh congratulations!!!" I quickly responded "well, nothing has happened yet... we just want to look." I must have sounded like a mean bitch.
She started to gush on and on about taking the important step of coming here and that every girl wants to find the perfect ring.
ok, just stop.
stop making this way awkward for us.
I told her I already had a perfect ring.
ok, your turn to feel awkward.
that my fiance had given it to me and then passed away.

she asked if we wanted it re-set.

a question that had lingered in my mind before... to use John's stone and replace the stone with a different stone in that setting. But I truly feel awkward about it.
That is our ring.
We worked long and hard towards that.
And it belongs to me and the seays.
it's my family ring.
I think I will keep it just the way it is.

Besides, I am sure this is something very special for Ryan.
We need something that represents OUR relationship.
I spent a long time looking at things and trying to guide myself towards something different.
I was surprised when I noticed ryan trying to find things similar to what I have already.
(sigh)

Then he leaned towards a more simplistic ring.
which is not me.


ok, it was worth a shot.
haha

Don't start freaking out, blog world.
And PLEASE spare me your speeches.
It was a browse.
It was a way to get ideas.
because i know for a fact I want to marry this man.
I know it will eventually happen.
Do I know when???
No.



trust me, you'll know.


and for now... if anyone has any advice in this department.... on what they have done with their old rings and settings. do they still wear their rings? i wear mine sometimes because i really do love it. i already asked ryan if that was ok and he is fine with it. Do you think I shouldn't?
what does everyone else do?

What does the widow's handbook say?


oh yeah.
that doesn't exist.


I guess I better start writing one.