STRESSED OUT.

This week is stressful.

I am trying the best I can to prepare.

Tomorrow is my winter band concert with my kids.
if you know me, I tend to stress about these things. I did a small concert earlier this Fall... but this one is with ALL the kids and in the high school performing arts center. It's been really tough this year on my own. As much as I appreciate being independent again I really wish I could share the load with someone else. 300 kids is just too much.
Way too much to do by myself.

And then the emails...

I have never gotten so many depressing emails.
Parents pissed off constantly because NOTHING can ever make anyone happy and it's ALWAYS the teacher's fault.
I even got called into my principal's office once because I was "sending too many emails." That's right. I was being too helpful. Sending too much communication. are. you. fucking. kidding. me?
All of sudden this evening I am getting emails from parents complaining they can't take their kids to the concert, their child magically got sick over the weekend, etc. etc. Of course the day before.
Because no one thinks ahead of time.

It's hard on a person's soul.
to be beaten down day in and day out.
to be told you ask too much of children.
to be yelled at for things that are not your fault.
instruments missing in the inventory that i had no idea about and when i asked the director before me to give me a copy of the inventory he said "he lost it." and then all of a sudden  comes up with it when confronted by my asst. principal?
it just isn't fair.
the selfishness of others.
to be responsible for other's actions.
your child doesn't turn in their assignments and it's MY fault that I didn't contact you??
Your student has a long day with a rehearsal in one class in a performance in another? have you ever considered the long day that IIIIIIiiiii am having? When your child goes home I will still be at the school putting away instruments, cleaning up, etc.
JUST. STOP.

Someone please just recognize me for my hard work.
Someone please send a NICE email saying "thank you for taking time you DO NOT GET PAID FOR to work with our kids after school."
Thank you for the emails and reminders.
Thank you for using a lot of your own money towards our children.
thank you for letting our students turn in assignments late with no penalties.

After all, i have had enough bullshit in my life. I don't need this in addition.



And the next part...

on Tuesday I have a hearing.
Because over the summer I filed for unemployment after I was let go from Ocoee. But since I was let go because of budget they apparently extend my job until August (even though i do not get paid... if not for my deferment). So, I guess I wasn't even allowed to sign up for unemployment. But I was urged to  by others....
and I did it.
Because I was sad.
And desperate.
And apparently oblivious to the rules.
And then a couple weeks ago I got a bill in the mail saying I owe the government $1400.
of course in my mind i thought it was their wrong.

and on tuesday i have to go through a stressful and embarrassing hearing making me feel like some type of criminal.
i am a decent, honest person that was honestly seeking help in a time of need.

MEANWHILE... millions live off our government and have NO intentions of getting off their ass and getting a job. popping out babies right and left...


I just want this to be OVER.
I want Monday and Tuesday to be OVER.

I want to go my concert and hopefully get some POSITIVE feedback.
I want to get this inventory over with on Tuesday and hopfully find these magically missing instruments.
I want to get the hearing done with and get a blessing from God to get the debts erased.
If not, i really hope they take payment plans.
Because I can honestly say I have not a single penny in my name right now and getting more and more in debt only makes me feel like i am falling deeper and deeper into depression.



Where is that holiday cheer that's supposed to be spreading around?


Isn't this the most magical time of the year?


Santa... please send me a winning lotto ticket.