Writing Prompts

The last time I went to my counselor she gave me a piece of paper. It's a paper to help with journaling as a means of grieving. Obviously my blog is serving that purpose but I thought tonight I would use the prompts to assist me in ideas I wanted to share. The paper has "prompts" to get your writing started. I know I usually don't need help in this area but perhaps these prompts will bring up something new... something I haven's discussed yet. Lets be honest. There are thousands of things I have yet to discuss.... but this is a step in that direction.

Prompts talking directly to John:

1) A special memory I have about you...
Oh my goodness, where to even start here? There are so many. So many stories to share. You were part of my life for such a long time.... and our stories were endless. I guess if I can pick one it would be the time you surprised me with the limo at the airport. I remember how hard you were trying to "woo" me back then. How much you wanted to impress me and make me happy. You were so excited. You got me for sure. You were so proud of yourself. One of my favorite pictures of you is when you are standing outside the limo laughing at my face. I was completely overwhelmed.... all my friends were inside waiting for me. It was a night I will never forget. I also won't forget that hickey on your neck. Whenever I used to leave for long weekends in drum corps I would give you one. You hated it. It was like a "he's mine" stamp. I can't believe I used to do that. But, I think secretly you liked it too :)

2) What I miss the most about you and our relationship...
There are so many things I miss, John. I miss you holding my hand in the car. I miss snuggling you every night in bed. I miss you calling me everyday at lunchtime at school. I miss your emails from work that we tried to make look "professional." I miss your contagious laugh. I miss the little hairs between your eyebrows that I would pluck out. lol. I miss your butt. I miss your sweat and your smell. I miss your obsession with sunsets and with Bulgari cologne. I miss you saying "boobies" and your "mr. whiskers" impression. I miss how you understood me completely and how you never forgot to tell me how beautiful you thought I was. I miss how excited we were about marriage and I miss our planning for the future. I miss how you knew all of my flaws and still loved me and I miss doing the same for you. I miss your lips. I miss your gentle kissing and you massaging me almost every night even though you complained every time. I miss washing your laundry. I miss watching you dress for work and trying to convince you to stay home. I miss watching TV with you or going out to the movies with you. I miss making bets. I miss gambling with you. I miss watching you play with Metallica and sneaking him extra treats. I miss you rambling on and on about work even though half the time I wouldn't pay attention. I miss you drumming at the table or in the car. I miss you carrying me to bed when I fell asleep on the couch. I miss playing video games with you and I miss the fact that you loved that I loved video games. I miss running my fingers through your curly hair and I miss laying my head on your chest at night and hearing that beautiful heartbeat.


3) What I wish I'd said or hadn't said....
I wish that I hadn't been so hard on you about TCI. I know you loved it. And I didn't always mean to be so selfish about your time. But, I just wanted to always be with you. And I felt threatened by them... I felt like it was taking you away from me.

4) What I'd like to ask you...
Do you miss me, John? Do you think of me? Does it hurt you to see me cry? Do you want to comfort me? Do you watch me daily and are you proud of me? When we meet again will you still love me? Why didn't we just get married sooner? Why did this happen to you? Were you holding something back? Were you in pain? Do you wish I had been there so you weren't alone? Are you upset that I was the one to find you? Is Zion in heaven with you? Have you met my grandmother? She is a doll. What should I do now that you are gone?

5) What I wish we had done or hadn't done....
I wish we would have gotten married sooner and I wish we would have gotten pregnant. We were always so careful. Why couldn't we have been irresponsible? I wish there would have been a child created by both of us. With your "romantic" nose and my big eyes. It would have been a beautiful baby, John. I wish we would have spent our last holidays together. I wish Waldorf hadn't have made you work on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. It was completely unfair.

6) What I have had the hardest time dealing with...
The nights. Being alone at night and having that empty spot in the bed with me. Also, my ring. The questions I get about it. The compliments. It brings up what I am missing everytime... and that is you. You shouldn't be gone. I am upset you didn't get to live a full life. You didn't get to pass on your genes and I didn't get to become a Seay. I am restarting my life without you. It just isn't fair. For both of us.

7)Ways in which you will continue to live on in me...
I will ALWAYS be in love with you. Always. Whether I find someone else someday or not. It will be a marriage between two people. Because I can't fall out of love with you. I am attached to your sould forever. I also have my necklace with your ashes I wear everyday and your engagement ring which you were so proud of. I will never let go of these items. Ever. I will always stay connected to your family, our family, John. I will always love them and want to be part of their lives as long as they want to be part of mine. I will always stay connected to your friends. And I will tell your story forever.