the last text.

Yesterday morning I had a weird experience.
It was a bit sad.
it was a bit of an eye opener.

yesterday i sent a text to john's number.
his cell phone.
it's still labeled in my phone "John (ilymtli)"
I can't erase it.
i can't delete his name.
i don't feel right about doing it.

but i guess...
i have to.

because what once was john's number is no longer that.

because i happened to send a text.
it has been a few months since i have.
and it was simple.. to the point.
that i loved him and was thinking about him and he had not been forgotten.

and then while i was in the bathroom and gazing in the mirror while brushing my teeth... preparing for the day...
i hear a sound.
a text sound.
i got a text.
i assumed ryan.
it was not.

it said John.
I have not had a text from John's number since April 21, 2010. the day before he died.
his last texts were "i love you and i will be thinking of you"

this one was different.
and also to the point.


"wrong number"



Oh, this poor soul.
surely they are MISTAKEN.
There is nothing wrong at all about this number.
you have taken MY fiance's number.
this belongs to him.
who the hell are YOU???
Out of all the phone numbers out there why did you have to pick this one????
WHY?!

I am taken a-back.
i wait it out several minutes.
i don't respond at first.
i call Ryan immediately and explain the situation.
he's sympathetic.
he feels sorry for me. it's not exactly what i wanted at the moment. i wanted him to be more like "holy shit that's weird."
but he's super sweet and is concerned for my hurt feelings.
i text annie. surely she will respond.
nothing.

so I begin to text this stranger with John's number.
i explain how it was not a mistake. that i text often and that my fiance had this number and passed away.
they apologize and say they feel bad. they even add a sad face.
ok, so i guess they are sincere.
i go on more.
this is the last thing a normal person going about their day wants to hear about i am sure.
a girl saying "oh p.s. you have my dead fiance's number and i send creepy messages even though he doesn't get them and now you do. have a nice day."
i apologize to bothering them.
but i also ask for their name.
her name is cindi.
the next text says "God Bless You."

and that is that.
i leave it at that.
there is nothing else to say.
this woman doesn't care anymore about my story.
she has basically dismissed me with a god bless you.
and i knew that i was a burden.


and i guess that's the last text i will be sending john.
and cindi.