End of October

Only a few more hours left of October.
Thank goodness.
Farewell October.

I mean, it wasn't as bad as I thought... but I just think it was lingering a bit.
Now it's time to take on November. A whole new month will a whole new set of emotions. The holidays are arriving. They are sneaking up... and I am trying to hold my ground. I won't let myself get out of control. I just made it through Oct. 30th. I can do this.

I just took my relationship status off Facebook. I know, weird huh? Like that is the biggest deal in my life right now? a status on a social network site? oh my goodness where has my life come to. But, I guess to me... it was a step. Another small step. Ya know facebook has a "widowed" status now. But I wasn't ready to put that one up... I wonder what icon shows up for that one. like when you go from a relationship to single it shows a broken heart (rude). Does the widow one have like a black, broken heart. or a tombstone with a heart on it?
As you may know....
I was supposed to get married this weekend.
Many people remembered me this weekend.
Many sent messages.
Many sent texts.
And I appreciated it all. It was so nice to be remembered. The whole odd part about it is... they should have been at my wedding. Saying their congrats to me and wishing me well as me and John went on our way to our honeymoon.
But here I am.
Not married. With an engagement ring still on my finger. And watching TV alone with my cat on the couch.

I stressed so much earlier on with what I was going to do this important weekend. I just eventually gave up on trying to think about it or plan. And just let it come and pass and I would get through it. Luckily, I was surronded by great people to help out.
I went to St. Petersburg.
I went to dinner.
I saw Jack Ass 3-D.
I played beer pong.
I held a tarantula and it sunk it's fangs into my hands.
I learned how to shoot a gun.
I watched lots of movies and chilled out.
I hugged and kissed a beluga whale.
I walked an emu.
I played with a bobcat.
I hugged baby kangaroos.

And there you have it.
How I spent my wedding weekend.
Not exactly what I thought my wedding weekend would have been.
I know that I would have been surronded by all the people I love and becoming John's wife. I would be dancing to our song... throwing a bouquet and hoping my best friend caught it. I would be giggling and laughing and swirling around the room in my gown. I would be eating a beautiful cake and John would be slicing into his bass drum cake. We would be hearing John's brothers make a toaste and my sister in law and Evan make a toast as well. I am sure I would have been crying. Because my happiest of happiest days had arrived.

But. Life threw me a curve ball. It sent me whirling in a new direction. And each baby step I take to get through this is good enough for now. Because I am making it through. I just survived October.