Spending time with Kalee, Brielle, Kaya, Karen and Bobby ... and their two wonderful dogs, Zion and Xander have been a true blessing to me this past week.
I am a far cry from where I was a week ago.
I feel like being with my family brings healing.
I keep entertained for the most part. Although Karen feels guilty we don't do enough to get my mind off things... Im fine really. The quiet time is fine. Like right now. I am typing on this blog while Kalee sends out a million texts in the kitchen and Brielle reads quietly on the floor next to Zion... the almost 11 year old Great Dane.
Brielle sort of hums while she reads. It's cute really. Something I don't think she is aware of. I keep looking over to see if maybe she is laughing. No. Just a little hum.
She pets Zion as she reads. It's comforting to them both... especially for a dog who is nearing the end of his doggy life.
This whole week I have been playing rock band with the girls. Even someone grieving is allowed to have fun.
One of the things John brought up frequently was "I feel so lucky to have a girlfriend/fiance that loves video games just as much as I do." It's true.
Although we always didn't like the same genres... we both could play for hours.
Rock Band was given to John on one of our anniversaries... 3rd? I hid it in our closet. He was so excited. (and secretly I was too.)
I remember inviting our friends over to play with us... Jeff and Mike and Tim. We created a band name called Gunslinger Applebottom. It was a combination of our two "code names" John and I created. Or... gamer tags. LOL Dorks, right???
We played it for hours and hours.
Eventually it became old news and we would break it out here and there... but playing it here with the girls reminded me of those times.
John's biggest goal was to play Tom Sawyer on difficult. One he mastered it he would go to Best Buy and head straight for the Rock Band display. He would play that song. on difficult. and impress anyone that happened to be around or noticed. I rolled my eyes. Boys.
Before we had rock band we would go to wal mart at about 12 am when no one was around and play it. We thought it was the most genius game ever. Although he gives you NO guitar skills at all. It actually is helpful rhythm wise on the drums and pitch wise for the vocals. So, why not?
Now I have created a new band with the girls. It's called marshmallow bells. don't ask.
I have a good time playing with them and feel proud to take over the drum position on medium. John would be proud of my mad skills.
He would also correct me too. lol
Tomorrow I depart on my next family adventure. I am going to NY for a week to spend time with my sister, Raheann as well as visit John's brother Billy and his wife Liz.
Pray for me because I am NOT a good airplane person. John was usually the best with helping me out with that. He would give me headphones and turn it on "Recycled Air" by The Postal Service. He always was wearing a hoodie so could easily hide his headphones. He thought he was so clever. :)
Then he would fall asleep and I would be wide awake and cringing at every bump and shake in the air. He would squeeze my hand and it would be ok.
The weirdest part is this.
In my mind I thought... if I was going to die in a plane crash... at least I would die with John. I know it's morbid but everyone has those thoughts. Of not dying alone.
And maybe that is part of the reason I hate flying by myself. Because if the plane were to crash I would be alone and have no one I love to hold on to.
This can't be uncommon to think about, right?
So... pray for my safety tomorrow. I have to take TWO planes. Which is even worse. Pray for my peace and understanding as I am still in complete confusion on what direction my life is taking right now.
I'll be back in NC in a week. Then we will see what goes on from there.