Wednesday, November 24, 2010


I am flying back home today. Of course I will miss the time I spent here with my sister but I am also longing to be "home." It's hard for me to call my apartment my home still. A home doesn't feel so homey when it's just you. When I thought of home I thought about coming home to someone... "honey I'm HOME."
I will get home late tonight and open the door to an empty apartment... except for my little fluffball. She will be there greeting me happily I am sure.
I am so thankful to the people that took care of her while I was gone. Thank you Dina and Emily.

Tomorrow I will be going to a place I think is more home to me.
I am having Thanksgiving with John's family. My family.
I lived at that house for a couple years. It's my home.
When I moved out this summer and into my own apartment I really felt like I was losing my home. I felt misplaced. And that feeling has barely gone away. I have gotten a little more comfortable with my place. I do what I want with it... I have decorated it the way I like. I feel relaxed when I come home from work and prop my feet up on the couch and watch all the things I DVR'd. It's hard to believe I am living on my own.
I haven't lived truly alone since 2003 when I had a dorm to myself. And even then I was deeply depressed by it.
I am pleased to have Dina be my roommate in January! I am not one of those that doesn't like to share my space. I have always liked visitors and living with friends. I have always found it comforting and helpful. Maybe it will inspire me to start cooking again (which I am sure Dina will quite enjoy) and perhaps it will inspire me to get in shape. I think it will be a good thing. I really do. Maybe it will make my place more like a home.

I guess all in all the reason a place doesn't feel like home is I am missing the most important component to it. John.
He was the reason I couldn't WAIT to get home every day after school. He inspired me to cook, clean, decorate, etc. He made me want to make the perfect love nest. I wanted more than nothing but to make him happy. We often spoke of how he needed to become wealthy one day so I could be a housewife (my ultimate job goal. hehe). I wanted to take care of our home and the people in it... including our future children.

Im ready to go home.
I am ready to go back to the moist air of florida (and so is my nose).
I am ready to squeeze my fluffy puppy and kiss the cold nose of my cat.
I am ready to plop down on the couch and read a book or watch TV.
I am ready to see my family tomorrow... even though I am a bit nervous and so sad that it will be another first. My first Thanksgiving without John.

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