i need a break.
from all the reminders of what i do not have.
why is it that i turn on the tv and watch shows like "my fair wedding" or go online and look at pictures of my friend's weddings or engagement rings.
is it that i like torturing myself?
do i have some sick obsession with making myself upset or jealous?
or is it that i truly still love that stuff.
ya know, love.
watching people on their happiest of happiest days.
their happy endings.
the beginning of their futures.
a place where i have yet to be.
and lingering towards the....
i just long for that day.
of actually being the wife i always knew i could be.
or dreamed of being.
as long as it isn't stripped away from me.