Sunday, November 27, 2011

I know that time brings change, and change takes time.

it all started 7 years ago.

in college.

at THE Florida State University.

I guess I have to be honest. It started a little earlier than that... but it wasn't official until Nov. 27, 2004.
I know I have told the story before, about how it all began... band, drum corps, tiny shorts worn to practice by both me and John... but there's so much more to it, ya know? Our love took time to develop. It wasn't an instant thing. Well, ok it was in a way. But we really BUILT and worked on our relationship from day one.
We were opposites.
Drummer vs. horn player
Party boy vs. Nerdy girl
Calm guy vs. Stress machine

It was our personalities that completely complemented each other. We were two of the most approachable people you could have ever met. We made everyone feel welcome. You could meet us and by the end of the night/day you were one of our closest friends. We were very spontaneous yet completely traditional in our ways. At the end we had perfected "a relationship." We figured it out. How to get along with each other, how to balance each other, how to feed off each other's strengths, how to manage time and family, etc. We knew how to make each other laugh every day and how to make each other feel attractive.
But like I said... it was a building process.

When I met John he was known for being a party boy.
So much in fact he focused more on partying than academics and ended up failing out of UCF. It was one of the things that made me hesitant to date him. When I got to college... I hardly ever partied (at least not as hard as others) and I made a huge effort to be the best in my classes. I am a nerd, what can I say? The funny thing is ..  it was at one of John's parties where I started to fall for him. It was called a "Johnny Thursday." Most of the FSU drumline was there along with a few others... band folks mainly... and some of John's friends. But it was on a THURSDAY. Once we started dating I made an effort to help turn John's life around. He had bad habits. He smoked for one. (and not cigarettes)
I actually had told him that I would never date him if he smoked.
In my eyes it's just lame.
I mean, it really does making you fucking retarded. I don't care what you say or think. Smoking pot makes you act like a lazy dumb ass. and i think that's what people are going for sometimes... but that just wasn't me. And I didn't want to get caught up in it.
And he made his decision.
And chose me.
I was quite impressed.
did he fall back? yes. he had his moments. we bickered. i even tried to break up with him once because i was exhausted with trying to keep John on track all the time... but, it obviously not something that happened.
With time I worked on helping John reach goals.
Besides him quitting smoking... it was the partying that also had to go.
When he failed out of FSU it kind of gave him a wake up call.
But when he was kicked out of the drumline at fsu... that really got to him most of all. That was his family. And it really hurt him. He worked his ass off for a year trying to get back on good terms and was still not let back in the next year. I was soooo pissed. I can't tell you how mad I was. I held a grudge against Dr. Dunnigan for a long time after that and John had never forgiven him. (sadly)

I remember when I was at John's one night and it was a "Johnny Thursday" and John had class the next day (he may have been at the community college then). It was like 2am and I was over it. I got up and started cleaning up, turning on all the lights, and pushing people out the door. I called cabs for those who couldn't drive and I slammed the door shut when it was all over and went to bed with John. People hated me for it for awhile.
In fact, I think many of John's friends and even family members hated me at the beginning.
I was "changing" John.
I remember crying to John one time about how his brothers and sisters didn't like me. It meant so much to me...
but John reminded me all that mattered was that HE loved me.
It was hard for me to get past other's feelings towards me.
All I ever meant to do was good.
I wanted John to be the best he could be. I saw a side of him that other's didn't. I saw his potential.
And i was going to let drinking, partying, or laziness get in the way of that.
Because the moment we started dating we decided to be a team.
an unbreakable force where nothing could stop us.

expect for death.

because that indeed stopped us.

it broke up the team.

and we were really on a roll.

And it only took us 5 and a half years to get there.

After reading this you must think that it was only John who was changed.
But I must admit I changed along the way too.
John made me a much stronger person than I started out.... he made me appreciate the value of friendships and family. He taught me patience. Something I never had. ever. He taught me how to laugh even in tough times. He taught me how to love endlessly and express my inner feelings. He made me feel beautiful even when I didn't want to.
The person I was in 2004 was definitely an entirely different person than the one before April 22, 2010. and the person after april 22, 2010 is also very, VERY different.

I don't regret anything about our relationship.
I know it didn't start off fairy tale-ish.
But it was the end result that made it all worth while. all the work paid off.
and eventually others started to realize that I wasn't trying to change John completely.
I was trying to bring out the best in him just as he was trying to bring out the best in me.

And I want to thank him for that.

Thank you, baby.
For always being in my corner.

No comments: