I said "Yes!"
Ryan has proposed and I couldn't be happier!!!
I know most of you saw this coming a mile away... and I can't lie and say that I didn't... I am just so happy that God is giving me this opportunity to marry a man who is my best friend!
And I also want to take a moment to "selah" (as a wonderful English teacher once told me... that means to Pause and reflect).
I have to look back and reflect on how far I have come.
Thank goodness I wrote a blog through this journey.. so I could appreciate how far I have come. So I could be proud of myself for letting love pour back into my heart. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I had dismissed Ryan simply because I was giving up on loving someone again.
I know that would have made me a miserable person.
And I know that John wouldn't want that.
And I know now more than ever that my friends an family wouldn't want that for me either.
The amount of support I have had since April 2010 is unbelievable... even during times where I felt completely alone there were people cheering for me... small and quiet... and sometimes not so quiet... and hoping for my second chance.
And they prayed.
And I prayed.
And I would scream in the shower to God....
PLEASE GOD. ALLOW MY HEART TO HEAL AND LOVE AGAIN!!!!
GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO FIND LOVE!
BRING ME AN AMAZING MAN WHO CAN UNDERSTAND ME!
.... and he did....
And Ryan never doubted or questioned me.
He never doubted my love.
Even when he would see me sit in the bed and bawl over photos and momentos.
Or when I kept a bag of John's old clothes in my closet... for years... he didn't question it.
And when I finally let that bag go... he was there holding my hand.
And as I have grown and moved forward... I have not only seen a great growth in myself but also in him.
I am unbelievably proud of him and his decision to return to school and go after a dream. And even though money is tough while he's doing it... we are going to make it through together... as husband and wife.
And as I plan my wedding please be patient with me.
I am not the bride I would have been in 2010.
I am struggling financially and trying the best I can to make this the wedding I deserve while still being on a budget.
I might be edgy sometimes or cranky because wedding planning SUCKS. (yeah, I said it).
As happy as I am to be engaged I am seriously ready to marry this man!!!
Oh and before you say ..."why don't you just do a small wedding..."
let me explain something.
The last time I had all my favorite people gathered around me was for John's funeral.
I had everyone I could have ever wanted there by my side.
But it was for the saddest day of my life.
So, please allow me to plan the happiest day of my life the way I would like to.
Because... if I may say so myself.
I FREAKING DESERVE THIS.
Is it March yet??? :)
Oh and you can check out our wedding website here:
The Wedding of Autumn and Ryan