Sunday, May 22, 2011

always the bridesmaid. never the bride.

there are 5 wedding invitations on my fridge.
despite the title of this entry... i am not a bridesmaid for any of them.
in my mind, the twisted mind that i now obtain, i have a feeling that no one would want me to be in their wedding. out of pity. or fear. that they might hurt my feelings.
but at least I am being invited.

it's still odd though... the decorated pieces of paper. with their floral patterns and solid colors. RSVP dates and cursive writing.
that i have never got to create my own.
but yet, there is still evidence i was there.
i still wear my ring.
i asked ryan about it and he thinks that's it's ok. (did i mention how awesome he is?). it stays on my right hand... the evidence of where i once was. engaged. planning a marriage.
and it wasn't to be.

and here i am... attending all the weddings of everyone who will never have to experience what I did. they made it. they have obtained their dreams. my dream.

my roommate got engaged to her boyfriend the other day.
after dating for about 4 months... they are engaged. like that.

it's times like these where i am like, "seriously???"

1 comment:

Sunny said...

My husband and I eloped just so that I wouldn't have to plan a wedding. Personally, I'm not a fan of them, so if I had five invitations like that - I'd be grateful for being remembered and included (though even more grateful for not being asked to be in the wedding party). Yet also, I'd secretly be concocting excuses to keep me from having to go at all.

For me it has nothing to do with widowhood per se...It has to do with my inability to focus, sit, and make small talk for any length of time before wanting to crawl from my skin to escape...Especially at a formal event like a wedding (or graduation, or what have you.)Definitely my ADHD is a new challenge that arose in recent years following my husband's death. But that's just me.

I'm glad that you have nice friends and that you will be enjoying some fun festivities soon. Bring that nice supportive boyfriend of yours, get dolled up, and shake a leg. It's more fun not being a brides made anyway.