Thursday, June 30, 2011

My heath, dad's health, Ryan's help.

Lets start off with a big THANK YOU JESUS to my dad's recent health news.
A couple of weeks ago my dad passed out on a Friday night at his house... I was told by my Aunt Larue he was out for about 15 minutes. being unconscious for that long is NO GOOD. My other aunt found him and called the ambulance.
Now... keep in mind that this happened on FRIDAY night.
When did Autumn get a phone call????
Sunday night.
My dad waited two days to tell me because he didn't want me freaking out.
i am the delicate flower after all.
everyone is very cautious with me.
and i understand.
i am an emotional volcano ready to explode at any moment.
i am by no means "dormant."
you can't just hold off important information like that from me.
so, not only was I upset because my dad was in the hospital... but i was upset because it was kept from me.

I had to get all my updates from aunts, sisters, and brothers.
dad would never tell me anything directly.
apparently he may have suffered a mini stroke. that's what an aunt had said.. and a sister. but i am still not 100% sure.
he broke some ribs during his fall and had to get stitches in his foot and his finger.
What was supposed to be a couple days turned into ONE WEEK as doctors poked and proded to find out what had happened. Thank GOD everything came back ok.
His heart is fine.
His nervous system is fine.
Just a little high blood pressure... which i would expect from my stress ball of a dad.
And a bit of high cholesterol. which actually was surprising cause he's mr. "nutrition." or at least he comes off that way when he tells me i need to lose weight all the time.

it was such a stressful week for me.

my dad raised me my whole life.
he is IT.
he was the best man in my life until John.
and then until Ryan.
I am his baby girl.
i am his youngest.
he is my daddy.

and the last thing i needed was to lose someone else in my life.
i just know i can't handle it right now.
i just know it will crush me.

and so, I am thankful for the break.
I am thankful my dad is here and healthy and safe.
I really want to hold his arm when I walk down the aisle one day.
whenever that day may be....

and then there's me.
a wreck to say the least.
emotionally more than anything.
my anxiety and depression wears down on me all the time. it keeps me from sleeping, from eating healthy, from enjoying activities... it's a pain in the ass.
So when physical symptoms pose a problem.... i freak out.
I am VERY cautious of feelings of sickness now.
almost to an extreme.
but i do the best i can to eliminate things on my own.
lately i have been having a constricting, tight feeling in my throat.
it reminds me of my freshman year in college where i had trouble in my throat to the point of suffocating... and had to get a shot in my ass at the ER. it was a memorable night for me and the 5 friends that joined me at 2am the night before we left for the sugar bowl with chiefs.
but this time it isn't quite as extreme. i can breathe... but swallowing is a bit of a challenge.
it's on and off.
sometimes i get it and sometimes i don't. BUT IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!
and as much as i try and resist this... i turn to Google and webMD. WORST DECISIONS EVER. They will make you feel like you have the worst illness/disease ever. You will turn off your computer thinking you are dying.
so. i decided i am no expert and went to the doctor last night. just a walk in Urgent care.
After checking out my throat and ears they suggested a GI specialist... cause most likely it's my esophogas. (sp??) awesome.
but.. the doctor just asked if i wanted a steroid shot just in case.
i figured it work in college and it would work again.
no help for my throat.

so. now i have a tight throat and a throbbing ass. lovely.
My GI appt. is next week. I will keep you updated. I really hope
Ryan has been a saint during EVERYTHING. He went with me to LW to visit my dad... and didn't judge me for the town i grew up in. come on, lake wales has it's small town charm. i just couldn't ever live there again. ever.
he went back with me for father's dad to see my dad again since he wasn't supposed to be driving. well, supposed to be. obviously he didn't care because i heard through the grapevine he was driving the next day! dad!!!!!!
it was neat... having a three family father's day. it was somewhat like christmas... visiting one family after the next.
i guess i always wanted a big family.
and now i have it.

the morning started off with ryan's family and we had a grill out lunch with his parents and brother and his wife.
then we headed over to the Seays for a joint james and Matthew birthday and father's day. I love how comfortable Ryan is with John's family. it's a rare dynamic that we have in our lives but he totally gets why i love them so much. and they really like him too. (phew)
the last part of the day was spent in LW with my dad.
all in all it was a good day. as we rode home we both were rather happy. there's nothing like spending quality time with the people you love. and i got a lot of love that day. and i got to share that love with everyone. i love family.
and ryan turned to me and told me how much he enjoyed it too.
i think we both long for that family affection.
and i know we both look forward to starting our own one day.
but right now we are enjoying the family of us right now.
me and ryan.
i like our relationship.
i like where it's headed.
especially since as of sunday we are officially in ...

We signed the lease and moved in on Sunday and even though it's a disaster with boxes everywhere and a ton of unpacking... it's our little 2 bedroom apartment bliss.
no more ghetto apartment complex with weird neighbors.
no more walking up three flights of stairs.

it's a much more peaceful atmosphere.
it a place that is "ours."

and although i am sure many people would be surprised i am moving in with someone after only 4 months of dating. but seriously, he moved in after month 1.
i guess i don't really care.
because it makes me happy.
and that's the part people should care about.

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