Sunday, January 15, 2012

i'm waiting.

a funny thing happens when a new year comes around..
you get super confident that  this is "your time" and "your chance" and that things are going to actually start turning around... for the good.

But honestly it's been frustrating so far.
In terms of trying to reach goals.
Some due to our own fault.
Some due to the fact that life didn't realize it was a new year.

A couple weeks ago Ryan had an interview for a job he really wanted and he also took his LSAT.
On the same day he got a call saying he didn't get the job and also found out the score of his LSAT... which may be too low to get him into a school.
It really put us down.
In fact I started crying.
I felt bad.
I should have been more positive and uplifting. There will be other chances. But, time is running out... for tuition being covered that is. And after having my recent 28th birthday I have started to freak out a little. That as I near 30 years old .. I am nowhere close to where I should be.
Well, where I think I should be.

Of course you may be saying "you're crazy! look how far you have come!"

You're right, my friend.

I should be a little easier on myself.

I should be thankful.
I have come a long way.
But I still have so far to go.
I haven't quite captured it... that life I would so dearly love to hang up in a picture frame.

I haven't obtained the body I have wanted since I was a little girl...
I haven't had my fairy tale wedding...
I haven't made a salary that I feel comfortable with... that I am not living pay check to pay check on...
I haven't found that house with the wrap around porch...
I haven't looked into the eyes of my own child...
I haven't gotten the acknowledgement I need for the work I do... which may be because I haven't accomplished the goals I have set for myself as a teacher.

So, let's just go ahead and just stick to my slogan....

1 comment:

Emma said...

Maybe your slogan should be the title of your blog? Just a thought, Em